Mom Brain

Flip the Script

The origin of the phrase “mom brain,” as far as I can tell after five minutes of research, is from a scientific study in 2017 that said the chemistry of a woman’s brain is indeed altered during pregnancy and after.

Since then, it’s been thrown around in a somewhat playful way by all moms, those who gave birth and otherwise.

You forget the name of someone you met at a playgroup - mom brain

You don’t remember where you had your kid take off their rain boots; was it the garage? the basement? the mudroom? the front porch? - mom brain

You never text anyone back - MOM BRAIN

Well it’s been 6 years and we probably need a new phrase for us mothers to mumble sheepishly with a nervous giggle. Perhaps the neuroscientists are already on it!

Or, and hear me out, maybe we all just have to stop with the guilt and shame that tends to precede our use of the phrase “mom brain.” I say that like it would be so easy to turn those feelings off. I know it wouldn’t be…and so instead I just want to flip the script.

Why should “mom brain” be used as an excuse or a joke? For crying out loud, mom brains are the hardest working brains EVER!

I’ll give you an example.

Lately my mom brain has been working overtime: making sure Katherine has everything she needs for camp; finding fun free activities for us to do when she’s not at camp; giving her eye drops 4 times a day for an entire week (yep - ol pink eye got her); laundry - always laundry - lots of laundry; trying to keep my cool when she loses hers; engaging in pretend play (and other mentally exhausting parts of mom life) while I’m battling the worst cold I’ve had in a while; planning her birthday party (it’s not until September but hey no time like the present amiright); thinking about her fall activities (why?); and of course stressing about how she seems to love her two binkies more and more each day rather than being ready to cut them loose.

And where did I turn when I felt that last mental task was becoming a bit too much to bear.

Facebook.

A place nobody really takes seriously anymore, but mothers still flock to it like the salmon of Capistrano. We go to our Facebook groups with our outgrown baby clothes that we’re looking to gift to others, or our expensive baby gear that we’re looking to sell! We also go there when we are seeking comfort, solidarity, and at times even advice.

And so I posted the following in a local mom group:

“Hi Fellow Moms,

So I’m going to come right out and say that I’m looking for hopeful stories, solidarity, and maybe subtle advice if it’s nestled sweetly into you telling my I haven’t totally f-ed this up.

My daughter will be 4 in September and she still uses two binkies. One in her mouth. One in her hand. It almost seems she loves them more than ever. When she was 2.5/3 we had been able to keep them in her crib or bedroom and they were only for sleeping. But she can now articulate how happy they make her and just goes and gets them. We tried “the binky fairy” in October - she made a box, the fairy brought her a gift, she cried hysterically the following night but we held firm. The NEXT day she was in the hospital with a scary asthma attack and RSV. The fairy obviously brought those binkies back to the hospital and now it’s July.

None of her friends or cousins have binkies. We’ve talked about the fairy coming back and she gets adamant that she wants no gifts just her binkies.

Has anyone else had a child use them this old and did they just eventually give them up willingly or am I going to have to just be the bad guy and force her to go cold turkey???

Thanks for reading this crazy, rambling, post of an anxious mom.”

My tired ass brain chose to use whatever it had left in the tank to write this post because I love my daughter so damn much and I just want to make sure I’m not messing her up too much.

And do you know what I received?

DOZENS of empathetic, thoughtful, lengthy, heartfelt replies from other tired ass mom brains who really should have been painting their nails or soaking in a tub or watching trash tv or eating chocolate moose or riding their Pelaton or whatever brings them a little sliver of relaxation or joy. But no…they were on Facebook.

Because mom brains are fucking amazing and we look out for each other.

The end.

xoxo,

Ari